Getting back into dating after divorce takes courage. Doing it online adds a layer of vulnerability that you might not have dealt with before, especially if you were married before dating apps became the norm.
The online dating world is overwhelmingly filled with good people looking for genuine connection. But it also has its share of bad actors, and being recently divorced can make you a target. You may be emotionally raw, eager for validation, or simply unfamiliar with the way things work now.
This guide is not about making you paranoid. It is about giving you the practical knowledge to protect yourself so you can focus on what actually matters: finding someone worth your time.
Protecting Your Personal Information
When you are excited about a new connection, it is easy to share more than you should. Early conversations feel intimate, and that intimacy can create a false sense of trust.
What to keep private early on
- Your last name. Use your first name only until you have met in person and feel comfortable.
- Your home address. Never share this before meeting someone, and ideally not until you have been on several dates.
- Your workplace and specific schedule. General information ("I work in marketing") is fine. Specifics ("I work at Smith & Associates on Fifth Street and I leave at 5:30 every day") are not.
- Your children's names, schools, and routines. This is non-negotiable. Protect your children's information fiercely. Saying "I have kids" is appropriate. Saying "My daughter Sophie goes to Riverside Elementary" is not, at least not until you know someone well.
- Financial details. Your income, assets, divorce settlement, or financial situation are nobody's business in the early stages of dating.
Social media awareness
Before you connect with someone on social media, consider what your profiles reveal. Your Instagram might show your home, your children, your daily routine, and your location. Either tighten your privacy settings or wait until you are confident about someone before connecting on social platforms.
Recognizing Red Flags and Catfishing
Catfishing -- when someone creates a fake online identity to deceive you -- is a real phenomenon. So are more subtle forms of deception. Here is what to watch for.
Classic catfishing signs
- They will not video chat. In an era of FaceTime and Zoom, there is no good reason someone cannot show their face on camera before meeting in person. If they consistently avoid video calls, that is a major red flag.
- Their photos look too polished. Professional-looking photos, model-quality images, or pictures that look like they were pulled from a magazine should raise questions. A reverse image search can sometimes reveal if photos were stolen from someone else's social media.
- Their story has inconsistencies. Pay attention when details do not add up. If they said they went to one university last week and a different one this week, that is worth noting.
- They escalate emotionally very quickly. Declarations of deep feelings within days of matching, talk of destiny or soulmates before you have met, or constant intense flattery -- these can be manipulation tactics, not genuine emotion.
Love bombing
Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with attention, affection, and grand gestures very early in a relationship. After a divorce, when you may be feeling unloved or undesirable, this can feel intoxicating. But healthy relationships build gradually. Someone who is all-in before they actually know you is waving a red flag, even if it looks like a bouquet of roses.
How verification features help
One reason platforms like The Transfer Portal include photo verification is to address exactly this problem. When you can confirm that the person you are talking to actually looks like their photos, it eliminates one of the most common forms of deception in online dating. Look for verification badges and take them seriously -- they exist to protect you.
Safe First Date Practices
Your first meeting with someone from online should be treated with care. This is not about assuming the worst -- it is about smart habits that become second nature.
Always meet in public
Coffee shops, restaurants, parks, busy public spaces. Never agree to a first meeting at someone's home or yours. If they suggest it, that is not romantic -- it is a red flag.
Tell someone where you are going
Share the following with a trusted friend or family member:
- The name of the person you are meeting
- Where you are going
- What time you expect to be done
- A plan to check in (a text when you arrive, a text when you leave)
Some people even share their location with a friend via their phone for the duration of the date. This is not excessive -- it is smart.
Arrange your own transportation
Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or use public transit. Do not depend on your date for a ride, especially on a first meeting. This ensures you can leave whenever you want, without negotiation.
Limit alcohol
This is practical advice, not a moral judgment. Alcohol impairs your judgment, and on a first date with someone you do not know well, you want your judgment intact. Have a drink if you want to, but know your limits and stay well within them.
Trust your gut
If something feels off during the date -- if they are pressuring you to go somewhere else, if their behavior does not match their online persona, if you feel uncomfortable for any reason -- leave. You do not owe anyone an explanation. "I need to go" is a complete sentence.
Financial Safety and Romance Scams
Romance scams cost victims billions of dollars every year, and divorced individuals are disproportionately targeted. Scammers look for people who are emotionally vulnerable and eager for connection.
The golden rule: never send money
No matter how compelling the story, no matter how strong the connection feels, never send money to someone you have met online. Not for a plane ticket to visit you. Not for a medical emergency. Not for a business opportunity. Not for any reason.
Common scam patterns
- They claim to be overseas (military deployment, business trip, humanitarian work) and cannot meet in person.
- The relationship intensifies quickly with constant communication, deep emotional sharing, and declarations of love -- all before meeting.
- A crisis emerges that requires financial help. The crisis is always urgent and always just out of reach of a solution without your money.
- They ask for gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency. These are untraceable payment methods, and no legitimate romantic interest would ask for them.
If you suspect a scam
- Stop all communication immediately
- Do not send any money, regardless of emotional pressure
- Report the profile to the dating platform
- If you have already sent money, contact your bank and file a report with the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov
Protecting yourself financially during dating
Beyond scams, general financial caution is wise when you are newly divorced and dating:
- Do not share details about your divorce settlement or assets
- Be wary of someone who is very interested in your financial situation early on
- Keep finances completely separate until a relationship is well-established and trust has been earned over time
- If something feels transactional, trust that feeling
Photo Sharing Safety
In the age of digital communication, sharing photos is natural. But some caution is warranted.
Before you share
- Never share intimate photos with someone you have not met in person. This cannot be stated strongly enough. These images can be used for blackmail, revenge, or public humiliation.
- Be cautious about photos that reveal your location. A selfie in front of your house, a photo at your child's school, or an image with a visible street sign gives away more than you might realize.
- Consider what is in the background. Mail with your address, documents with personal information, or anything identifying should not be visible in photos you share with people you are still getting to know.
When to share details about your children
You should mention that you have children early in the dating process -- it is a fundamental part of your life. But sharing photos of your children with someone you are dating online should wait until you have met in person, spent significant time together, and established genuine trust.
Your children's images are not dating currency. Protect their privacy the way you would want it protected.
Building a Safety Mindset
Safety in online dating is not about living in fear. It is about building habits that protect you while still allowing you to be open to connection.
Think of it like wearing a seatbelt. You do not wear a seatbelt because you expect to crash. You wear it because it is a sensible precaution that costs you nothing and could save everything.
Your safety checklist for online dating
- Keep personal details private until trust is established
- Video chat before meeting in person
- Meet in public for at least the first several dates
- Tell a friend your plans for every date
- Arrange your own transportation
- Never send money to someone you have met online
- Trust your instincts -- if something feels wrong, it probably is
- Report suspicious behavior to the platform
- Take your time -- rushing is almost always a bad sign
- Protect your children's information above all else
Moving Forward with Confidence
The point of all this advice is not to scare you away from online dating. Millions of people find genuine, lasting relationships through dating apps every year, including many who are starting over after divorce.
The Transfer Portal, for example, is specifically designed for people in your situation -- those who are serious about meaningful connection and who have done the work to be emotionally ready for it. Features like photo verification and the emphasis on emotional readiness create a safer environment from the start.
But no platform can replace your own judgment. The best safety tool you have is your own awareness. Pay attention. Ask questions. Take your time. And never let the desire for connection override the signals your instincts are sending you.
You have been through a lot already. You deserve a dating experience that feels safe, respectful, and genuinely exciting. With the right precautions, that is exactly what you can have.