You can start dating after losing a spouse whenever you feel some pull toward new company, and no rule says how long you must wait. Widowed adults who did date again waited 2 years on average before a first date in one 2026 survey, and many felt ready and conflicted at the same time. Go at your own pace, and expect grief to come along on some dates.
How long people wait
You won't find a correct waiting period. The American Psychological Association says there is no "normal" time period for grief, and that most people do not move through grief in fixed stages.
Tawkify surveyed 645 widowed adults in 2026. Respondents averaged 42 years old, and 58% were women.
- People who dated again waited an average of 2 years before a first date.
- People 40 and older waited an average of 2.6 years, compared with 1.9 years for people under 40.
- 35% had not dated again since their spouse died.
- 24% felt lonely but weren't sure they wanted to date.
Ready and conflicted at once
You can go on a date before you feel ready. Among widowed adults in the survey who dated, 44% felt "ready but emotionally conflicted" the first time they considered it. 18% felt fully ready and comfortable, and 32% didn't feel ready but wanted companionship.
Missing a close companion topped the list of things that helped people feel ready, at 47%. Half of the people who hadn't dated yet expected meeting someone would help most, and 37% of those who did date said it had.
Ask yourself two questions from Temma Ehrenfeld's Psychology Today article for widowed readers:
- Does meeting new people sound exciting, or sad and overwhelming?
- Do you still feel married in your head?
If the idea overwhelms you, try a new activity or more time with friends first. Our readiness check and how to know you're ready guide can help you sort it out.
Guilt, loyalty and other people's opinions
Feeling like you'd replace your spouse was the top barrier among widowed daters in the survey, at 19%, followed by guilt at 17%. Fear of being hurt again was the top barrier for 20% of women who dated, compared with 11% of men.
A new partner doesn't erase your marriage. Marilyn A. Mendoza, Ph.D., writing on dating after the loss of a spouse in Psychology Today, notes that loving and grieving can happen at the same time and that guilt eases with time.
Family and friends will weigh in. Sixty percent of the widowed daters surveyed felt judged for their timing: 28% for too soon, 16% for too late and 17% for both. You can thank people for caring and still make your own choice.
How to start again
Mendoza writes that many widowed people start by meeting friends, volunteering or joining clubs, and that some later want a deeper connection to ease loneliness. She adds that only you can decide when you're ready, not your well-meaning friends.
Once you want to go on dates:
- Keep the first ones short, like coffee or a walk.
- Meet in person more than once before you decide how you feel.
- Talk about your spouse if it comes up, and leave the deeper conversations for later dates.
- If you catch yourself comparing the person across the table to your spouse, talk it through with a friend, your family or a therapist.
Decide what you want this time. In the survey, 35% of widowed adults said companionship was what they most wanted from a relationship, 20% wanted a long-term commitment and 11% named romance.
Apps and safety
If you last dated years ago, apps will take some getting used to. Our guides to dating apps for serious relationships and dating profile tips for starting over cover the basics. Scammers work dating apps, so read our online dating safety guide and never send money to anyone you haven't met in person.
On The Transfer Portal dating app, you tell us whether you have kids and where you are in your readiness, and we use both when we pair you. Soft Start gives you 5 swipes a day, plus daily mood check-ins and reflection prompts. Any member can verify with a pose selfie, and verification is optional, so check for the badge.
When to get grief support first
Mayo Clinic advises contacting a doctor or mental health professional if you have intense grief and trouble functioning that hasn't improved at least a year after the death. Mayo calls this complicated grief. Treatment can help, and dating can wait until you feel steadier.
If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (US).
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