A situationship is a connection you haven't named. You know you're in one if your plans happen the same day, you haven't met each other's friends, and you both joke your way past any talk of labels. Before Thanksgiving on November 26, ask yourself what you want, and then ask them.
Situationship, defined
A situationship sits between dating and a relationship. You text most days and see each other on weekends, and neither of you has said the word "exclusive." You're far from alone in it. A 2024 YouGov poll found that 39% of US adults had been in a situationship, and half of adults aged 18 to 34 had.
A divorced parent with a week-on, week-off schedule can drift into one, and so can a 26-year-old who has never married.
Signs you're in a situationship
Run through this list and count your yeses.
- You two make plans the same day, or the night before.
- You haven't met their friends, or they haven't met yours.
- You don't know if they're seeing other people.
- You've never spent a holiday, a birthday or a full weekend together.
- You check their stories to guess how they feel about you.
- You've kept quiet about what you want so you don't scare them off.
Each yes marks a part of your connection that you two haven't named, such as plans or exclusivity. If you both chose to keep it loose, you may be content with that. It hurts when one of you wants more and hasn't said it.
Signs it's turning into a relationship
- They make plans with you two or more weeks out.
- You've met at least one person who matters to them.
- You've talked about seeing only each other.
- They ask about your week and remember the answer.
The November Theory and the holidays
The "November Theory" is the idea that people in an undefined connection decide over the holidays to deepen it or end it. A matchmaker quoted in Vice put the question this way: "Should I bring this person home to meet the family?"
Thanksgiving falls on November 26 this year. Once you picture that dinner table, you start judging this person by your aunt's questions. Ask yourself whether you'd want them around in March, with no holiday on the calendar.
If you're single this season and wondering whether to start something, read our cuffing season guide first.
How to have the define-the-relationship talk
You can do this with one honest sentence and a pause while you wait for an answer.
- Know your answer first. Write down what you want: exclusive, a relationship, or to keep it casual. If you don't know, you aren't ready to ask them.
- Pick the setting. Talk in person on a calm day. Skip the last ten minutes of a date, a text thread, or a night you've been drinking.
- Say it plain. "I like you, and I want us to be exclusive. Where are you at?"
- Stop talking. Let them answer, even if the pause feels long.
- Believe what you hear. "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" is an answer, so plan around it.
If they need time, give them a few days and a date to come back to it. If they stall for a month after asking for a week, take that as their answer.
Should you bring them home for Thanksgiving?
Bring them if you've had the talk and you both said yes. Hold off if any of these are true:
- You haven't agreed that you're exclusive.
- You'd need to brief your family on what to call them.
- You're inviting them so your relatives stop asking whether you're seeing anyone.
If you share kids with an ex, add one more check. Your kids shouldn't meet someone at a holiday table before they've met them anywhere else. Our guide on when to introduce kids to a new partner covers the timing. Family questions about your love life come up either way, and our first holidays after a breakup guide has short answers you can use.
If you want out
You can end a situationship with three sentences. "I've liked spending time with you. I want a committed relationship, and I don't think we want the same thing. I'm going to stop seeing you."
Send it, or say it, and then mute their stories for a few weeks. The urge to check whether they've moved on will pass faster if you can't see it. If the ending stings more than you expected, our breakup journal prompts can help you sort out why.
Before you date again
A situationship that drags on can leave you unsure what you want. Before you start over, take our 12-question readiness check. It takes about two minutes and shows where you stand.
Say what you want on The Transfer Portal
The Transfer Portal dating app asks you to choose an intention, such as a life partner, companionship, or time to explore, before your first message. A match can see what you want from the start, so you skip the months of guessing.
If you'd like to go slow, turn on Soft Start. You get 5 swipes a day, plus daily mood check-ins and reflection prompts. Photo verification is optional: a person reviews a pose selfie, and you can add an ID check if you choose.
The app is free on iOS and Android. Download The Transfer Portal.